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Pages: confused...need advice [1]
Author Topic: Confused...need advice
philida

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2011-02-08 3-29-11-

confused...need advice I had a relationsip nearly 13 yrs ago with an amazing woman. We were very young and it was a secret relationship, but we spent almost every night together for an entire summer and then we continued the relationship for 2 yrs. When parents found out we were forbidden to see each other. I still think about her everyday!! I am married now and so is she. We do not live in the same state and do not see each other. Why can I not stop thinking about her? I really feel like I'm still in lovve with her, but that sounds crazy. Maybe it's just because I'm not happy in my marriage. HELP!! I cannot keep living like this. Any advice???
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claudie

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2011-02-10 9-30-15-

deal with your marriage issues Then if you are still obsessing about your old flame, you'll know there's something more to it than that.
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edmund

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2011-02-12 2-14-22-

I guess I think I second the advice to work on your marriage issues first. It's easy to become preoccupied with a distant or unattainable ideal or person when your immediate situation isn't good. Not being married myself i realize it is a big often difficult commitment and think you should determine if you can work things out in both couples and "alone" therapy. If you can't then you will probably have to go out and get settled in an independent life before you should even think about starting any new relationships.
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  • Luann

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    2011-02-12 23-39-44

    It doesn't sound crazy that you're still in love It sounds like you never had any closure nor ever did fall out of love...you both were forbidden to see each other, not by your choices, not by your decisions, not because of fights between you two but rather, from outside external pressures~ It would be very confusing if someone who is loved immensely by someone else is suddenly cut off from seeing that person~ In my humble opinion, that's why you can't stop thinking about her...you've never fallen out of love~ Granted, time and marriage now cloud the issue a bit and I hope that in some way, shape or form you will have an opportunity to have closure with her or find out if she feels the same~
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  • lambiase

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    2011-02-21 1-08-22-

    i second this!
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  • gallerani

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    Posts: 13

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    2011-03-17 17-54-04

    I can almost guarantee you that you're not "still in love with her." You are, if I've learned anything at all in this life, in love with the idea of her. She's a fantasy figure, a nostalgic totem, a projection of your desires. It's a sign, IMHO, that you have serious issues in your marriage, and perhaps elsewhere, that you're avoiding.
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    pillard

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    2011-05-06 15-01-50

    Thanks... thank you for the responses. I know I have problems in my marriage, we've tried working on things, but we are just not right together. There is NO physical attraction, affection, etc. We are together now only b/c of financial reasons (I know it's a lousy reason, but it's reality).
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    roxine

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    2011-06-12 4-44-00-

    confused is normal you obviously have some unresolved feelings towards her or more likely towards women in general.. would love to talk more.. e-mail me :)
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