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Pages: Has your Dom/me ever done something that [1]
Author Topic: Has your Dom/me ever done something that

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2011-02-08 14-49-22

Has your Dom/me ever done something that changed the way you saw him/her? Have they ever behaved in a way you didn't expect them to? Disappointed you? What did you do? Can you get past it?
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Posts: 9

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2011-02-11 6-23-57-

Yes One time we were talking about Taboo confessions and fantasy. He told me that nothing I could say would shock him. I was still timid so he started sharing first. I still haven't managed to get my jaw off the ground... Not really "disappointing" just mind numbingly shocked.
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Posts: 13

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2011-02-11 16-04-31

I feel let down, and i'm trying to be ok with it, but i see him differently now....i don't like it, i have a wierd sick feeling in my stomach about it.
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2011-02-12 1-18-12-

Well have you talked to him Is this really what he wants also or are you going to have to walk outside to get it and are you ready to do that ?
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  • tiner

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    2011-02-12 3-07-54-

    Was this your Dom or your man?
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    Posts: 5

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    2011-02-13 7-33-37-

    I agree... with Titan.. it depends on what the Dom did. If it is a trust issue then try to work throug it if possible. If it is just that you are on different pages right now, then hopefully talk it out. All that being said, still talk to your husband on your feelings on what is going on. Wow.. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Sooo early in the morning too.. hugs
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  • heiskell

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    2011-02-26 8-47-09-

    Well KIT the answer to that varies as widely depending on what it is. If you've just discovered that he longs to pee on your hair... *gulp* maybe talking about it will smooth things out. If you've just discovered that he lied to you about a fundamental item that shakes the foundation of trust... that may not be smoothed out so easily. *hugs* you know I am always here Sweetie.
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    Sr. Member
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    2011-03-27 4-02-29-

    What is wrong with peeing on her hair LOL everyones says you should switch hair treatments now and then LOL But this is true trust is the hard limits can be worked out. Ifg it is not what you pictured then a plan must be set either to have it change or change your status on the relationship.
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    2011-06-03 8-51-46-

    It's something that he did, that i have to be ok with..that i would be ok with under different circumstances.
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    2011-06-08 19-06-00

    I hate to say this but thats a tad vague
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    2011-07-24 4-22-49-

    it is something that she wants to talk about but not fully disclose. we will jst have to live with vauge
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  • niemeier

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    2011-09-01 10-32-41

    You are correct sir
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    2011-10-19 12-19-06

    i know, i know...i don't want to go into protect the innocent. Let me ask it normal for me to feel upset that i have all these rules and stuff while he gets to do whatever the hell he wants? Because i'm not used to that...and how do i get over being upset if he casually does something with someone else (a practical stranger)...something he hasn't even done with me even though we've been working towards something for over x months?
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    2011-12-18 19-56-15

    In my opinion I like to keep sub for that reason even a Dom needs to show self restraint and discipline. You cannot ask a person with good intent to follow your rules when you do not lead by example. I think it show a complete disregard for the sub and cheapens the relationship. Again in my opinion
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  • vankampen

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    2011-12-20 14-20-21

    i'm really upset about this and really confused. Thank you for your help.
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    2012-02-13 8-25-28-

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  • hoskins

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    2012-03-12 12-05-47

    Agreed. I think self-discipline is very important for the Dom. And she has every right to be upset if he broke 'rules' he had agreed to. I also feel it's the Dom's responsibility to discuss rules with his sub early on in the relationship. This should include restrictions on his own behavior if that's required for the relationship to go forward. It's his reqponsibility to make sure her emotional needs are met and that she feels cared for and protected. I'd guess that KIT isn't feeling much of either right now. *back to lurking*
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    2012-06-13 6-57-55-

    okay i get the general idea when you entered the relationhip was the rules he has to abide by discussed? even though he has rules for you there are also standards that you should expect from him as well. If he can not live up to those standards then is it worth it to you to stay and have those standards violated. Is he willing to talk about the issue?
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  • hullinger

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    2012-07-06 11-37-14

    We will talk about it he is just out of contact right now...i thought there were rules, i thought i understood his, apparantly i was wrong. I just feel disgusted, actually. I just thought he was different.
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  • theis

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    2012-07-17 2-41-29-

    OK I am going to say this and don't take offense but a woman that looks like you has had how many assholes walk through her life. Odds are x percent are assholes you just need to find the other x and I am not saying he is or isn't. But you know well how to weed them out. however a Dom that is an ass can hide it better than your average Joe. Talk to him and relay your thought and expectations and if he cant meet you on them then rethink what you need to.
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  • Rosanne

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    2012-10-05 6-58-10-

    this is work thoutgh able. now is the time to get a better understanding of his rules for himself and the rules for you. We do not have what is considered normal realtionships. as such not everything is a clear as glass as it is in normal lifestyle. realtionships in our case may take a while to get right and they are worth working though issues like this. of course with that said if the same thing keeps happening over and over then even after they are clearly definded boundries then maybe it is time to reeval the whole thing.
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    Sr. Member
    Posts: 32

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    2012-11-18 14-23-46

    Even Dom's/Domme's have off days and I would think that question could go both ways. Like when your sub brats because a bit of other life throws up in our laps and we need to take care of it. Or when we make a bad and make a big deal out of nothing.
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    Posts: 39

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    2013-01-22 11-21-59

    its tough when you have a certain idea in mind of how something should be or how it should play out, and it doesn't quite go that way; because you have this perfect scenario worked out in advance (in your mind) but in *reality* nothing typiy goes as planned. this is something i deal with almost daily heh. i set myself up for disappointment a lot by doing this. i'm not sure where it comes from for me; a need to be in control perhaps...or a way to 'coach' myself thru things in advance so i can be prepared to handle them.
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  • herreid

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    2013-03-06 23-06-16

    yeah, i think maybe things were just different than i saw them...maybe this isn't for me, maybe i'm not submissive, or poly...maybe i can't be a sub.
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    Posts: 22

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    2013-03-19 9-04-16-

    hmmmm... maybe. but you never know until you test the waters (which it sounds like you are), this is a good way to get to know yourself. i also find discussing the issue helps to work it out as well... and maybe you arent a true submissive by definition, theres nothing wrong with that. are you finding that you no longer have sub tendencies...that it is evolving to you being more toppy? or do you have feelings both ways?
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    2013-04-29 8-44-28-

    i am doubting i will be happy doing what he wants me to do, dealing with what he wants me to deal with, being happy with what he is offering me...i just don't know anymore. Everything is different.
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    Sr. Member
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    2013-05-16 2-46-40-

    testing your limits for growth isthing but if its going to make you truly unhappy dont do it. you'll just be torturing yourself. you need to look out for number one, sweetie :)
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  • Emalia

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    2013-06-08 15-49-45

    When I read your comments I have to ask what is it that you want from this? It is not all about what he wants you to do or deal with. If he is not offering anything that makes you happy then why would you stay with him. I would echo what others have said you need to have a discussion and this discussion should be away from D/s.
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    2013-06-19 5-24-15-

    seems to me kit if you knew has had ohters he played with this is part of the territory feelings can';t be helped it's what you do about then that counts it's politiy correct and easy ot say go to whatever with whomever, not so easy always to deal with the real emotion behind it best to you
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