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Pages: opinions? [1]
Author Topic: Opinions?
buentello

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2011-02-08 16-31-59

opinions? I haven't posted before, but i have read and i have read the FO attendant, i hope this first post lives up to standards. I realize im asking a semi personal question without the fo really knowing me as a poster, but sometimes being anonymous is comforting when you feel alone and vulnerable. So, i realize this may not be a big deal to some, but... I have been out of the dating realm for a while, almost years, and i have met someone i find intriguing. Problem is they are a few months out of a relationship and i don't want to be the "get over gal". I would love a friend, but if you find someone attractive, but in that "I've been hurt time"...what would be the appropriate? I'm not talking u-haul, just dating or getting to know someone you initially have an attraction to. Sloooow of course, get to know as a friend...but how do you keep at bay the i want to get to know you better (its been a while) feelings at bay. I'm not daft, just wanting opinions or suggestion, if your of mind, as to how to squelch oneself in a sense. thanks for any suggestions, opinions, help
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longbottom

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2011-02-11 8-17-53-

I say go for it. Couple months shmonths. Life is too short to pussy foot around. So date her. Don't move in on her too fast, take the dating slow but be HONEST about your feelings don't squelch them. Say something along the lines of, "hey, I know you're getting over someone and I want to be respectful of that but I'd like to get to know you better...can we maybe grab some coffee together?" Be honest about what you want and your intentions. Honesty is the only way to start a relationship.
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sanna

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2011-02-12 21-16-36

thanks for the response Nixatthebeach I am doing those things i guess, we have a party were both attending, all the initial stuff is happening. Of course i don't want to move to fast, heck, anticipation is good. But i feel vulnerable as i've been out of the dating world for a while, and kinda awkward, she's been hurt and getting through that. ACK! i guess im just trying to think to much shheesh!
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pagnotta

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2011-02-14 22-58-42

Couldn't disagree more. If she is just out of a long term relationship I most certainly would not "just go for it". Healing takes time, and most women just out of a LTR do not realize the time it will take to be ready to date again.
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hyle

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2011-02-20 23-32-42

I dont think Nixatthebeach was saying go for it in the sense of trying to get her, but go for it in the sense of being available to a friend. To develop a friendship, that with time and in the right time, may develop more. I agree with what you mean Loves-to-dive, and i would not try to swoop in on someone who is healing. Its hard to recognize an attraction if mutual and put all the pieces into place. I'm not playing a game or trying to just have a quickie, part of the reason its been years is my healing as well, and it could very well be that long or longer or shorter for the other person. But you know when you meet someone and there is that initial spark, kinda hard to, going back to my initial word, squelch.
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Tarik

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2011-03-17 9-06-17-

Yes, I do know first hand all about those feelings. And I also know first hand you can lose the person you adore if you get involved to soon. I don't intrepret NIB's first sentence the same way that you do, but I like your intrepretation. FWIW I did not neg her, I just stated my opposing viewpoint. Of course, as with all experiences they are individual and YMMV.
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Mollee

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2011-03-27 12-18-37

totally agree, LtD
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  • Effie

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    2011-04-27 18-10-13

    Sadly, I agree too. Not to mention it takes time to relearn how to do everything for yourself again. Not only supplying your own emotional needs, but all the day to day stuff just to live. It takes time to get centered again, to find your groove, make your own pals, relearn being single... give her that. Be a friend, but keep it at that for a while. Maybe you will lose interest, if she really rocks your socks-- maybe not.
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    vasco

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    2011-07-07 22-43-53

    I dont see it as sadly agreeing I think yours and others here are positive and fair within the context. It was a rocky road for me that i've had, and am sensitive and empathetic enough to give space, be a friend. I really would like a fiend to connect with have some good times and just relax. We are in different stages, me just ready and allowing myself to be out there to date, and her perhaps needing that time of re-self initiation and singledom. I've rethought what i expressed here, and know that a friend is a wonderful and positive thing, laugh, have fun and relate common interests. Were going to a botanical garden soon, maybe tea after. Should be a lovely day!
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  • cilento

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    2011-07-09 16-27-54

    I guess sadly in that BAD TIMING sucks! You meet someone you think you might really enjoy getting to know better, but for whatever reason you (or she) just aren't in a place to be able to do that. The opportunity passes and you both go on your way and the deal is d .. that is the "sadly" part. BAD TIMING SUCKS!
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  • whitehurst

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    2011-08-17 11-36-20

    Couldnt agree more BroadReacher that part does suck! luckily she is not the only woman in my area, and you never know in life...but positive attracts positive. This is a huge lesson i've learned, work, friends, dating, it all applies! Thanks you guys for letting me work my dating daftness out. Lots of positive here.
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    Mollee

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    2011-10-05 10-03-33

    i would like to say go for it... but my first reaction? just be sure to take care of yourself. if you just met, and she has already told you about this recent relationship, it means that it's still on her mind. this is just angle... i say, follow your gut. life IS short. just look out for yourself, too.
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    kole

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    2011-12-06 2-06-25-

    appriciated breakerx-x I will take care and be gentle on myself. I'm just on the "life is getting way to short" side of life. And i kinda heard her say to someone else of her past, and the person she was talking to, gave great advice. I totally understand taking things slow, specially if initially, there is an attraction. I guess i'm just in the spot of someone found me attractive that i found attractive too. And its been awhile it seems, that someone has.
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    Doroteya

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    2012-01-31 6-08-18-

    Can't you just be her friend? Is your lust for her so uncontrollable that you can't? Have coffee, go to lunch, go for a walk, see a movie. Your relationship will develop to be what works for both of you.
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  • venkatar

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    2012-04-12 15-35-34

    of course it_was_time I can and want to be a friend, that is really to me, a major component of a good and healthy relationship. I'm sorry, what i mean, is that its been a while and i'm awkward. Also nervous is playing a part.
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    delair

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    2012-07-21 13-31-59

    making friends doesn't have to be hard. be open and honest. don't play games. discover what you have in common and show interest in the things that interest her. the rules of becoming friends haven't changed. just go out and have fun!
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    ouimette

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    2012-10-08 22-08-28

    I understand and i am an open an honest person. I guess i'm coming across as IDKS. In honesty, its just hard i guess for me, after a couple of years, and allowing myself to get out there to not think to much. Thanks, its helped to read my own words and see how ridiculous i sound. specially at my age! Ah well, this is a opportunity to break out of my crusty haven't been out there shell and shine yes?
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  • baugher

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    2012-10-10 0-15-47-

    What's IDKS?
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    agnia

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    2012-12-04 15-06-57

    i dont know s---
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    Georgeanne

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    2013-01-31 23-48-00

    In the scheme of life, a couple of years is nothing. Definitely leave the crusty behind, tho'. That's a huuuge turn off!! : ))
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  • zaccaro

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    2013-02-03 18-18-21

    i deffinately chuckled that! good point! and that could be taken all kinds of ways. But i get your meaning...dating or just getting out there - no crusties! ahahahahaha
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